i have asked myself this over and over..why me? why do i have to go through this constant misery, never ending worry, and always fretting about what lies ahead. i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick of this. idon't enjoy life, i haven't for a very long time. I think i was cursed with this, maybe God saw fit to make me feel like this for the way i treated my parents growing up, i was rebellious, i cursed them out, we got into physical fights, i really never showed them respect, til now. and i know what the bible says..it tells us to honor our parents so that our days will be long upon the earth, and now i know what that means. so instead of giving me a deadly disease, i think God is lettign me live a living death of depression. I think that is why relationships never work out, i think that is why i isolate myself from friends, i think that is why i make every excuse in the book not to got out and have funs. I think that is why i can't seem to stick with going to therapy..I am so sick of people saying it will get better..IT DOESN'T this is something that i will live with for the rest of my life. I am so tired of pretending to be happy and like nothing matters. Well i am tired, if God was to take my life now, i wouldn;t be mad. I am not suicidal, or am i..I think about death all the time, but i just can't muster up the courage or strength to go through with it, maybe its because i still have one little inkling of hope left, or it couldbe my mind..who knows, who will ever ..the world around me shrinks more and more each day. becoming just a speck in my eyes. sometimes i think i should run away, but what will that do,, the problems will still be there..there is no hiding, no running, but i can't face rejection, pain, despair, sorrow, and grief in the face anymore. I give up, i am numb, i will be this way til the day i die, the medication can only last for so long..yes i have given up, on life, i am not at the point of suicide because i am already dead dead inside

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