Sometimes life does throw us challenges, sometimes having anxiety it can challenges to the limits, strength we never knew we had. I myself have gone through many challenges in my life and you, who know me, know the challenges I have faced. I’m not by any means saying the challenges in my life are worse or better than someone else, because we all face them in various degrees.
I found out a couple of days ago a friend of mine I went to school with died of cancer. I hadn’t seen or heard from him in many years, but I must admit it struck me. I’m a very caring person and I must wonder how his family and close friends are coping with his death. I was more disappointed with myself that I had not known him better and had not been there for him as a friend through this trying time.
I wonder within myself how much I can endure as a person. How much more pain can my heart take. I only want my life back and the freedom I have lost because of not being able to drive. If I could have driven I would have gone to my friend’s funeral and been there to comfort his family. As I think about that, I have managed to put myself in a position of being who I am. I wonder through all the challenges, have I really made the best of them and learned from them?
Those who know me also know that I don’t receive much support at home from my wife. She has been living in a different part of the house for almost a year now, so we are more like room mates. It hurt very deeply in the beginning, now it doesn’t hurt. I think she has pushed me away so much that my feelings have gone. I love her, but not the type of love I should have for her anymore. I told myself that I would not allow that to happen, but it has.
In conclusion, we are very strong people. Anxiety, as bad as an animal it might be, has made us stronger, more caring and compassionate people. We should be thankful for that. However, anxiety has changed my life in ways I might never understand, but there is a purpose behind it all and one day I will know that purpose.
