Honestly, I’m lost. I have never felt so lost before in my life. I have no idea what to do now, which direction to go. It seems as if I’m stuck in an endless loop of false hope and utter disappointment. I’ve tried so many different ways to find the glistening beautiful path to happiness, but every time I see it, something pulls me right back into the darkness.
My childhood was… interesting. Not terrible, but not the best. I’ve always been the ‘gem’ of the family, because I was so smart, caught on to things so quickly, was loving happy, the perfect child as everyone called me. That was until I got to elementary. As a child I was so wrapped up in my family that I barely experienced other kids, never got to understand the world. My family knew that I was sooo smart, but that was academically. As a kid I learned things through mimicking them. You pronounced a word a certain way, i would do it too. That proved to be a good thing until I was enrolled in my school. I rode the bus with the bad kids. I think you can tell where this is going. What they did, I did. Only difference was that when it all came down to it, I was the only one who would get in trouble. My mother never took into account that I was very impressionable, so I received all the blame. The kids would use that against me, along with the fact that i needed to be with someone. They would have me do bad things and tell me that’s what I needed to do to be friends with them, but when they ask me to do something and I say no they would blackmail me. I always felt stuck. Never knew how to defend myself or anything. My family taught me book smarts, but never street smarts! They just assumed that I would know like I was just born with that knowledge. That’s what really messed up my elementary days until I was in 4th grade, when the bad kids finally went to middle school. After that, life returned back to normal and I was happy again.
It was the end of 5th grade, and everything was well. My school is interesting in the fact that everything is in one big location. 3 elementary schools, across the bus loop is the middle and high school then across the way is three colleges. So, the elementary schools always take 5th graders on tours of the middle school to recognize a couple of things for 6th grade. My class went on our tour and it made me think 6th grade was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. It sucks to find out that I was so wrong.
Updating once a week when I have time. Yes the beginning is a little boring, but my story will be told. Maybe it will help me cope.