I woke up freaked out… 


Thinking something was wrong with my head.  That I was going to die.  Told myself to stop thinking that. 


That I was afraid to go to bed because I thought I was going to die in my sleep.  But I am awake now…  It took about an hour to realize that…


I couldn't stop freaking out about how after I took the excedrin my head felt really funny.  It still feels a little cold in there.  But it's getting better and there are larger gaps between the icy hot sensations.


I called Luda to ask her if this was normal or not…  I mean I'm pretty sure it isn't…  ???  I left a message which I almost didn't, because I felt stupid.  I still feel stupid…


And I've decided I wouldn't numb my feelings again…  Because numbing them wouldn't make this go away…  But I want to so bad, numb myself.  It's just safe there.


I freaked out thinking Luda was going to misunderstand me.  Because I said "You would think these people in the feild of child physiology could determine an immature drawing from a cry for help dawring."  I didn't mean for it to sound like I was weeding out people.  It's not like that.  I should have said that person and not these  ..  I fuck up all the time.  UGH frustrated at always thinking I am being misunderstood.  I say things and I think people just get it but they don't and they take it the wrong way all the time…  UGH frustrated…  But it is a vaild point.  Is is not?

Then Jolen stopped over so I sat outside with her and we talked about her kids birthday party.  How they can't get anyone to put a Twlight secne on her cake because of copy right freinges.  And instead of saying "Oh that sucks"  I suggested another way of going about doing it.  And she said I never thought about that!  Heh


Then as we were sitting I heard people yelling at each other across the tracks and I almost said Thats Albion for you.  But I didn't I just thought it instead.  And said to myself maybe they are just having a good time…  And it made me anxious when people drove past us.  I tried to ignore it.  I did ok.  I would like to do better…


Then she left and a "cool" guy imed me and sent me a song he wrote.  🙂  Which I love it.  It's very creative and talanted.  Thanks for that!   


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