Jesus fucking Christ!! I am fucking tired…I am so fucking tired of the fucking cyclical emotions. I really don't know that I can handle these ups and downs. I read back on my last blog and the sense of acceptance was a fucking shocker because today, today I feel like a wad of shit. I am certifiable people. I am fucked up a creek with no paddle. Really I do a good game of talking myself up and at times I am so fucking good I could sell snow to inuits, I participate in self-brainwashing that is literally making me go insane. I constantly tell myself everything will be ok, take it one day at a time, its not the end of the world, but really it just might be. I can't handle these cycles, days where I feel like I could conquer the world devolve into days where I feel that I am worth less than the gum on the bottom of a shoe. Really is this life? Is this my life? Is it worth it? Am I deluding myself thinking that things will get better when I am stuck in this daily rollercoaster ride of emotions? I honestly don't have a fucking clue. I am just emotionally exhausted. I feel completely alone. I absolutely have no faith in people and don't trust them as far as I can throw them, I feel completely isolated and alone. I sincerely want to believe all the shit I say, that things will get better but I am reaching my limits once more and I don't trust my actions in this condition. It was only two days ago that I thought I reached a place of acceptance but now I feel like I was just lying to myself. And if I can't trust other people, or trust myself, what is it that I am doing here exactly? Maybe I just need to let myself self-destruct and let it all be over with. I mean really, less than 48hours ago I was saying that I am a fighter and I wouldn't let life defeat me, and today I feel defeated. I am so fucking frustrated.


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