I’m 39 years old. I’ve been happily married for almost fourteen years. We have had our ups and downs, but through it all I have loved him. You know love goes through changes just like any thing else. I’m not sure where to start. We had a rocky start, but we made it. Nothing ever goes as planned. I wanted the whole package, husband and kids. I have been pregnant seven times and lost them all. My husband said he had enough of trying. The last one was the worst. The baby was in my tube. I was bleeding internally. The first hospital sent me home. They wanted me to go to a obgyn specialist. I could not get that appointment until four days later. The doctor said to come back if the pain returned. It did two days later. The same hospital wanted me to sit in the waiting room and wait to be called. We left and drove to northside hospital. I had surgery with in one hour. That is the best hospital. Then about ten months later, another blow. I lost my job at the bank. I ended up at walmart. My life keeps sliding backwards. I fought to get out of customer service. I really do not like waiting on people or having to pretend to be happy doing it. My next blow came a few months ago. My lady parts are not where the should be. They fell down’ so now I have to decide what I want to do about it. The first thing the doctor asked me was how many children I had. My responce- none. She then explained why she asked, my heart sank too. I started to cry right there.My husband has been great. He did not push me to talk about it or to push forward with any decisions. I have prayed all these years for a family. We thought he had a child from his first wife, but that blew up in our faces as well. We have talked about adoption, but we barely make it on our incomes now. I feel like everything is falling apart. Like riding a roller coaster down a hill and wishing it would turn up. The fall is really working on both of us. I work six days a week and only get about thirty two hours. We hardly see each other. We are both alone most of the time. I am ready for a change, a good one. I am tired of getting knocked down. I know I am a good person. I’m no angel, but who is.


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