things have been getting out hand big time lately the stress from school the stress from being powerless to help my friends. the stress not being able to talk to any of my friends because their problems are so much worse than mine and they don’t need me adding to their own troubles. my thoughts are getting out of control again. i am afraid i might have to go back on medicine but i am afraid i’ve been hospitalized twice because doctors doped me up too much and had a bad reaction to the meds, and i put on weight because of the medicine putting me at a greater risk for heart attack and stroke. i am currently taking a supplement that is suppose to help OCD but i don’t think its working anymore. i’m so fustrated i need help again and i need it bad. i have an appointment with my therapist, but its not until next week. i have been writing a record of what everything has been happening inside my head to take to my therapy session. i would talk to someone on here about what has been going on but i have massive trust issues (not you guys’ fault its my own fault) and i am not comfortable talking about it with someone i just met. to me my thoughts are highly tramatizing and emotional pain me greatly. They are also worse at night during the day i am ok they are managable. at night is another story it is horrible! i just don’t know what to do! i don’t even know what end is up anymore. i’ve been through a lot and i was just getting back on my feet and wham i get kicked to the ground by this. i am trying my best to fight them but it is so hard and so scary! even for someone who has had the disorder for almost 20 years