gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. almost nothing has been going my way at all this past month. i've had medical problem after medical problem and the doctors don't know what's wrong and it's been interfeering with my ability to do work and so now my grades are suffering in school and now i might not graduate if they don't come up (yeah i have eight fucking days left by the way to get them up i'm dyiing and one teacher is refusing to give me extra credit or anythign and she's not understanding that it's not that i didn't want to do the work on time it's that literally i physically was unable to and ugh this is just a huge ass mess) and so i'm so fucking stressed about that and it's making all my medical problems worse.

and if i don't graduate then i'll probably end up killing myself. i literally cannot handle that. i don't know what i would do. it's not fair. i hate this. my parents grounded me because i might not graduate and if i don't graduate i probably won't even have a life so i might as well kill myself.

i don't really want to kill myself because i have an amazng boyfriend but i don't know how i would even handle it i would not take it well at all i would be very irrational and it probably would happen from me being so upset. and my parents /KNOW/ that i'm suicidal and that i have depression and they REFUSE to do anything about it. and whenever we go to the doctor i want to mention it but my parents warn me before hand not to and tell me they won't help me if i tell the doctor and that i would have to find another place to live if i mention it ever again. /: i feel as if i have no support from anyone except from my boyfriend but i haven't told him i'm still having suicidal thoughts because i'm scared i'm going to drive him away (we've only been dating like a week and a half) and AHHHHHH i'm just so scared of everythign and i feel like my life is going nowhere and that i'm just going to end up killing myself in the end.

1 Comment
  1. elf 9 years ago

    Get to the doctor by yourself. Even if you are not 18, tell the school counselor how you have suicide ideation. Your parents are depriving you of needed medical care. They probably don't understand the severity of your situation. They may think you are just using the "threat" of suicide to  control them. I don't know. I just know that when I here someone say they want to kill themselves, I take it seriously. Do not take this permanent step to remedy a temporary problem.

    If you do not graduate, it is not the end of the world. You can probably make it up in the summer. I know it is embarrassing to not graduate with your class, but that will pass. I know it is a big deal now, but it won't be later on.

    If you have only been with your boyfriend, 1 1/2 weeks, try not to lean on him too much. He may be amazing, but you might scare him off.

    Good luck with finishing up the needed assignments. Also I hope your health issues are resolved quickly and do not keep you from getting your work done. Best Wishes!

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