I feel like I’ve been working my tail off lately, but in reality I’ve only picked up one extra shift. It’s been so long since I’ve worked a double shift that it’s almost like I’ve lost my endurance. It was a tough night and I tend to be one of the ones assigned the most difficult work—that’s not a pity party, it’s just true. Ask anyone. As difficult as it was I’ve got to look ahead and think of the money I’ll be earning; I really want to save up and keep contributing to my little “Five Year Plan” fund which, at the moment, is earmarked for a down payment on a condo or home, but that could change. I could use it for moving expenses or just throw caution to the wind and take myself to Europe (most likely a UK tour: London, Dublin, and Edinburgh) after I finally graduate. The future, as they say, is wide open.
I envy people who don’t allow drama to get to them. Me, I feel like I get sucked into it no matter what. Right now I’m dealing with coworker drama that is so incredible inane that I feel ashamed to even admit that it bothers me. Of course we all want to be liked by our coworkers, but I’ve learned long ago that I’m dealing with people who a) I don’t really connect with, b) I don’t really like, in some instances, and c) are so caught up in the culture of gossip and of controlling the people around them that they don’t seem to think clearly. And then, when I start to see signs that I’m like those people, it makes me feel badly about myself, like I cannot control my own actions or something. It’s tough to explain without taking up pages and pages and weaving a whole story out if it, but it’s something I constantly struggle with. I desperately want to feel like I’m enough in my own self that I don’t need to jump head first into pettiness simply to grasp onto a little bit of that “I belong” feeling.
*sigh* Is it even possible to rise above other people’s shit? I mean, really?