Alright so first before I talk about tomorrow, Here's how today went so far.
Of course I didn't sleep last night, But I was actually able to sleep today (fell asleep around 9am, woke up around 2pm) which I usually can't even sleep for 30minutes. But in a way it was a blessing,
Because, Today we got out new fridge brought in and set up which the night before I was getting anxious about some stranger coming into my home, But I slept right through it today so I was glad that happened.
Like I said I sent that message to griffon, no response yet, which I know I might not get one but that adds to my worries, Also…I plan on sending Ali's letter soon…I've been putting it off but it's causing me to cut even more then usual so I guess I just need to get it over with and…Move on from her…If I can.
Anyway, Why I'm freaking out about tomorrow-
My mom wants to take the family, two of my brother's friends and two of mine (Kim and Maddie) to Typhoon Lagoon, it's that Disney water park.
It's one thing when she takes us to universal studios, I freak out about how many people are there, I have major panic attacks, have to avoid eating, and hiding my cuts but at least I can wear normal clothes…
NOT a swimsuit!
I seriously don't want to go but she's already made all the plans, and I have NO way to get out of it…Part of me is happy about being able to see Kim and Maddie, but that little part can't fight my other entire half.
Because everyone else in the group will look beautiful in their swimsuits, and will be flawless and not worry about a thing,just having fun like normal people.
But I won't, every second we're there i'll be making sure no one can see my cuts, that I don't do something to cause weight gain or cause attention to myself, having to avoid cowards of people and their tormenting stares.
So, I'll be pretty much planning out how to survive for tomorrow for the rest of the night.
I'm so anxious and frustrated at the moment.
I hope everyone else is having a good weekend…Might post a drawing later also…