I’m just about at my wit’s end.  I know, I know, A nickel for every time y’all have heard that one, right?  lol…. anyway..

As some of you know, I am expecting a child in late April of 2009.  The future mother and I are still not together, but I have been more than supportive of her.  I have found her a place to stay, pay her rent for her, buy her groceries, and take her to all of her doctor visits.  But that isn’t good enough.  She still holds the fact that I don’t want to be with her against me.  To answer previous questions as to why I even slept with her in the first place, all I can say is that we were both horny and just fulfilled our primitive needs.  It should not have happened, but it did and I am taking responsibility for that.  I just don’t know what to do about her wanting to be all close to me all of the time when I tell her over and over again that we should not do it.  I tell her this because the last time we decided that we should stay away from each other, well…. that pretty much led to the pregnancy.  So I’m taking it seriously this time and she’s pretty much pissed off because she doesn’t even have me as a, for lack of better words, fuck buddy, anymore.

Then come the accusations that I never do anything to help her out.  Here is a list of a few of the things that I have "not done" for her:

-I got her a car and title.  Neither of which she had to pay for.

-I found her a place to stay when she was kicked out of her place and I pay her rent for her since she does not work.

-I buy groceries for her.  They may not be the most expensive kind or the nicest food in the world, but I only make so much per pay period. 

-I take her to every single one of her doctor visits.  It’s my child too.  I care about what’s going on in there and I plan to stick around to raise it.

She’s 3 months along, more or less, so I don’t really know how she’s supposed to be acting.  What I do know is that she acted the exact same way long before she ever became pregnant, so it’s really hard to take her seriously sometimes.  After doing all of the things that I do for her and barely having enough money to get myself by, it’s just like a slap in the face when she tells me that I’m not supporting her like I should.  I can’t even stand to be around her at this point.  She won’t quit smoking, despite the hundreds of times that I have asked her.  So, I came up with a reasonable compromise for her.  I said "If smoking is so much more important than the child’s health, then so be it.  Just don’t do it while I’m around." 

She agreed with that.  However, she has yet to uphold her end of the agreement.  In one visit to see her, I counted at least six times that she snuck out to smoke.  The last time she did, I tapped on the window and just said "Goodbye."

I haven’t been back to see her since.  It’s been a week.

My mind’s a clusterfuck now.

She called me today and said "If you ever want anything to do with your child , you’ll come over tonight and talk to me."

Goddamn….