I'm feeling pretty lousy tonight. Past events which shall remain nameless have been triggered by a current event. I was holding it all together really well throughout the day, but I can only take so many reminders. One person in particular is that reminder. Since this current event revolves around this person that is all that was being discussed since I came home from work. This person is going through something rough themselves and I can understand people's need to talk about it. However, these same people also know what I went through because of this person. You would think they'd have a little bit of respect and limit the conversation about them. They know I don't like to talk about this person. I am supposed to care for this person, but I can't anymore. They have hurt me way too much. I don't wish them harm mainly because I don't really wish harm on anyone and also because I know if they came into harm it would hurt people I do care about. I just can't deal with the constant triggers of bad memories. I do not want this person in my life. I never want to see this person again. They are not worth it and I don't trust them. I feel guilty about not caring about their rough situation they are going through. On the other hand, how can I be expected to be empathic towards someone who has been the root of so many of my problems. I will not blame all my problems on them. I won't allow myself to give them that much power. However, if I never had to know this person I know, for a fact, I'd be better off. I can't even stand to hear their name. Even just the mention of their name puts me in a darker place. I have come so far with this situation about them. It used to affect me to a much greater extent. But, I will never be the same again. I fear I will never be all that I could have been. I want to forgive this person but how do I if they won't acknowledge what they did? How do you forgive someone who has deliberately hurt you over and over? I should care more about their situation but thinking about it just triggers pain upon myself.

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