I am still in major financial destress but am trying to stay positive and keep telling myself that employers will call me after the holidays. (crossing my fingers) Until then I have been trying to get ahold of my mom to borrow that money from her and since her cell phone got cut off cause my bro is too broke to pay it…. I have yet to hear from her. I am in desperate need of her assistance and hope she doesn’t back out of helping me. I went to the social services office after speaking to a supervisor about my situation. She did approve us for some food money (or food stamps which is actually a type of atm card but whatever) so at least we won’t starve. We’ll be homeless but we won’t starve. I am still felling really sick to my stomach at the fact that I am in such dier straits. And as always my husband doesn’t make things easier. He is just the worst human being on this planet. I can’t believe that he can be such a hartless piece of crap. I really wish my financial situation was better. With my anxiety and trying to find a low stress job I am afraid I will be trapped with him forever. I am hoping that  I can muscle up the strength and courage to be confident and find a good job and can finally be independent again. I was never the type of person to dependent on anyone. When I first quit my job to stay home with the kids…. it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I always kept busy with something and then I was faced with actually having to face my life and learn to lean on ppl (my husband) for help. Which turned out to be the worst thing I ever did. Well not worst but I lost everything. My ability to mother was also taken away when he turned my lil one agains me and with my eldest I’m sure he’s miserable and I’m the one to blame for it. I want to make up for lost time. I want to be the mother I know I can be. I can’t be that person with this asshole of a husband I have. He has no intention of ever being on board with me and this family so I have no choice but to abandon ship. He threatens to tell courts that I am an unfit mother and that I am mental and all this other bull. I used to be so scared of that and now I’m not I am really determined to get out and get my life back. Please pray for me. I need to gather all the strength I can in order to make it. I just hope I can……..

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