At my most recent doctor appointment, my doctor highly recommended that I be hospitalized for a little while. I could tell that when I told him I'd consider it and walked out, he didn't want to leave me to my own devices. I would be okay with it if it weren't for three major things; I know I need the help.
The first is work. We have the ability to take medical leave here, but I'm not quite sure how it works and for how long I would be able to. I would ask my manager, who is a very kind and gentle woman, but that would also mean I would have to explain at least some of my situation and I'm not even sure how I would start that conversation. Should I call her? Email her? Meet with her? I wasn't working the last time I was hospitalized, let alone, kicking off my life-long career. I know it's considered discrimination to withold a person's job based on their mental health, but it still happens, and I would be heartbroken to lose this.
The next obstacle is school. I know that students, with paperwork from their doctors, may take an "Incomplete Grade" for the semester if they are dealing with medical issues that prevent them from attending the required amount of lectures/completing their required schoolwork. However, I don't know if mental health qualifies. I've already missed the allowed amount of classes for the semester in all of my courses, so if I miss anymore without being excused, my GPA will suffer and I need to keep it up to get into the Master's Program that I will need in the future.
The third and final thing is the fear of losing someone very special to me. He's been the best friend I've ever had and pretty much my only real friend for the past three years. He's been there for me through every major event in my becoming an adult and he's also been there for some serious losses. Now, while I'm going through all this, he is also unraveling. He's become blank, unresponsive, and unfeeling. We're hanging on by a thread now and I'm afraid that if I go away to be treated, I'll either come back and lose him (as this happened with everyone that was close to me the first time I was hospitalized) or I'll be so far ahead of him in treatment that we won't be compatible at all (if that even makes sense). He refuses to get help for the way he feels while I know that I need help and seek it out. We're on completely different pages and it's become a real problem.
I know my health should come first, but I don't want the rest of my life to unravel while I'm off taking care of myself, becuase then it's like my efforts were all for nothing. I'm so stressed out and confused, I don't know what to do…