Being with someone I can trust is not even an option for me. First of all, I don't trust anyone. Everyone is out for their own self-interest, so I'd rather deliberately choose someone untrustworthy who I know to expect it from and might not be as cavalier about flaunting betrayal. Second, I am not saying that trust is boring or that I look down on the very people who stick by me. Both are an essential part of life. However, something is missing for me in this very predictable scenario. Someone who I can trust who is not constantly looking for a better deal in life is probably someone without a lot of qualities that I would find appealing. I would rather be in a productive relationship with someone who eventually leaves me than spend my life with someone who is there because she can't do any better. After all, it is my job as the man to attract a desirable woman and use everything I have to capture her interest and keep her around, isn't it? Biologically she is strives to be with the man with the freshest material. To ensure that she stays I need to simultaneously be the guy she hates to love and loves to hate.
I was with someone I trusted implicitly for years. She is a shut-in who abhors contact with people. But did I trust her for the right reasons? Or did I just assume that she would have really have a choice but to stay? Perhaps I really thought that she did not have it in her to carry on an affair, or that another man would not find the risk worth it to spend time with her. I don't know. I know that I left her to chase a flighty, emotional hopeless romantic who I assume is daily fighting off suitors, and I don't regret it. Feeling sorry, to me, is not the same as regret.
The best scenario I can envision right now would be to somehow coerce this creative and intelligent but sheltered and emotionally immature lady into loving me long enough to have a baby, then to let go of her and raise my kid with the woman who has the medical issues precluding her from conceiving but who expresses an interest in raising children. I know that I am thinking exactly like a woman–get with the bad boy and get the nice guy to raise the kid–and think that proves I'm on the wrong track, but I can't help it, it's just seems like natural science.
Not everyone is selfish and only looking out for themselves. If this were true, this page would have been dead in the water. And, if it were true, there would be no one in teaching, the clergy, nursing, social work, etc.
You, however, are being extremely selfish right now. There are plenty of other ways of having children. Adoption or surrogacy are the first ones that come to mind.
Biologically speaking, your only job as the man is to be one. This isn't the neolithic period. We don't crap in the bushes. We bathe regularly. We take care of our teeth and bodies. Biologically speaking, there's no reason for any of that. So, if you're going to live by the biological standard, don't be surprised when you end up with a stinky lady who has more armpit hair than you. =P
Real men don't treat women like crap just to get attention. Real men develop hobbies to divert that energy – like hunting, fishing, hiking, biking, even reading or video game playing. Biologically speaking, a woman is either looking for whoever will be the best PARENT to her children, or the best PROVIDER to her. You are not sounding like other when you go on these self-hating, pessimistic rants.
What's more, your scenarion assumes this other chick would just let you have the kid. Never underestimate the power of maternal instict! You may end up with no child and no visitation rights but child support payments out the wazoo. And you'd be lucky if you didn't end up having the stuffing beaten out of you by any male friends or family menbers this woman may have!
Seriously, Dude… if you like wild girls, you'll have to deal with the potential of losing them. And if you want stability, you'll have to save your harebrained scenarios for fantasy fodder during your alone time. Either way, just find a way to be happy with your life. It's too damned short to be as miserable as you sound like you are!
Wow, you actually just described my ex perfectly!
In all seriousness there are some who say even altruistic pursuits are motivated by self-interest. I'm not going to argue the point. I know I have done things for others without regard for my own situation, and I'm one of the most self-centered people I know.
Yes, I am currently in the midsts of a rejection fit but that is passing even now. It just takes too much of my energy. If it only takes a couple of weeks of no contact to get over her, I count myself lucky.
She's actually not all that wild. In fact the problem is she is all too stable and for a change, I am seen as the wild one. =[ I used to spend all my time hanging out with freaks and I was the relatively normal one. Returning to polite society is a bitch and a half.
I guess I'll just go club some dinner and reconsider