I wrote this and thought of making this just to the prefered readers list but as I have been "preaching" about truth and opening up I thought I would just put this out there. I feel naked posting this… and not naked in a sexual way.
Happy birthday babe….
So why might a day make such a difference in someones life. Its not really the day persay its what happened on this particular day that makes it important to me. No matter what happens to me for the rest of my life this day will forever have meaning. Call me crazy, you wont be the first nor the last to do so, but I just am thankful for the day.
This is the story as I see it, my feeling, emotions and the facts as I know them. So 32 years ago two totally fucked up people got together and well as happens conceived a child. Neither was ready and as it seems only one of them really wanted the child. Neither was capable of caring for the child even though there was effort put forth.
Here enters the hero and the villain all in the same swoop. The child was lovingly taken in by an amazing woman and her husband. The woman taught him love, care and devotion. She taught him to care for himself and for others. She taught him of Spiritual matters but didnt put any pressure on him. The man taught him how to depend on himself. He taught him how to care for the needs of a family but the man was distant.
The child wanted for nothing… nothing material. When he allowed people in and they paid attention they could see his need for love and attention. The child saw his mother fairly often but called her by her first name. The child saw his father a few times here and there. There were a few close knit friends and a girlfriend or two.
The child grew and I met him as a young man and was brought into his life. From day one this man changed my life. The sight of him made me blush and when he talked he took my breath away, a feat not often accomplished. Our first date lasted almost 48 hours. We spent almost 2 whole weeks together with only brief times apart. He made me think about life. Not just about stupid things that you usually get just out of high school but actual things that would make a difference in life.
He understood when I started explaining something I was passionate about and I started rambling. I would see him smiling at me and I would stop and ask him what was wrong. He would reply nothing your eyes are sparkling. They always sparkle when you get excited. Among the tears my eyes hold right now they are sparkling.
My deepest secret my biggest fear are one in the same. I knew in that first 48 hours that I was falling in love with him. A much deeper love than I had ever felt before and I needed to get the secret out and see if he could handle it. Now I can tell you where I was and what I have said to almost ever person that has meant something to me when I tell them about this, but not him. I don’t remember. I do remember seeing him again after that first date and saying we need to talk. He got that oh so cute hurt puppy look on his face. I think I led him out to the back yard to the special picnic spot that overlooked the city and I took a deep breath. Not sure how it went down on my part but I do remember he said to me Oh is that all. Ok so what do I need to know. Well that was an open door to me.. You need to know that I have never told someone this soon and I am telling you because I feel so connected. He leaned in and said I feel it too. And kissed me. Right there makes me thankful for the day!
There are many days I am thankful for but not all of them are remembered for the date nor are they celebrated like this one. This particular date is the date that Van was born. I am so thankful that his Mother brought him into this world. I am thankful that his Grandparents raised him and I cant imagine what my life would have been like with out him. Yes it has been a roughed road, for the both of us. Not every thing in life is easy.