So I’m going to try to do better about posting up blogs more often. I heard that journaling uses up almost all facets of the brain and is healthy for you.

I’ve still been really struggling since I last posted, but I’m trying my best each day. It hasn’t been easy. I was against going back on medication again because a friend of mine is very anti-pharmacy if it can be helped. I do agree that as a society we get medicated way too easily. However, being back on medication has helped me out a lot. I’ve also started talking to a therapist again. That’s also helped out. There have been times where I would go in and think that the session won’t help, but I usually come out feeling better that I went.

I’m doing my best to look at the positives on things. That has proven to be difficult as well. I try to remind myself for all the blessings I have. That helps sometimes, but not always.

I’m sorry this entry doesn’t seem to be flowing very well, my mind is all over the place plus I’m writing this entry at work so I’m not able to just write it in one sitting. I have so much I want to write about and that’s probably why it’s so difficult to write because there’s just too much on my mind. I know I feel like I haven’t done much with my life. It doesn’t help that I’m turning 38 at the end of the year. That I don’t mind, but it’s the looming turning 40 in two years that has me freaking out. I always would say to myself life would get better and work itself out. Now that I’m at this age I begin to wonder if it will work itself out. Maybe this is just the way it is and I’ll never amount to anything. That in itself is probably the scariest thought. The loss of hope.

1 Comment
  1. SullenGirl76 2 years ago

    Hi there. First off, I want to encourage you to keep up the “good fight.” Despite some of the fun-sounding metaphors out there, mood disorders do NOT feel like a fun thrill ride at an amusement park. Science is learning more every day about the very real physical affects that the chemical reactions behind mood disorders can have on a person. We who fight mood disorders are warriors in every sense of the word. So good fighting, Comrade, and keep it up!
    Journaling can be VERY helpful. Writing, in general, uses a lot of the parts of your brain and, as you have heard, the more of your brain that you keep occupied with productive and positive tasks, the less that will be left for bad habits (i.e., ruminating, self-harming, self-sabotage). It’s a coping mechanism you can do anywhere and that is inconspicuous and socially acceptable.
    Journaling can also help rewrite our inner monologues. It works the same way that taking notes works when studying: the more of your brain you use while learning something new, the stickier that piece of information is and the easier it becomes for the brain to access later. (Don’t believe me? Google “importance of taking notes scientifically proven” and see for yourself.) It’s a safe space to allow you to delve into why something was frustrating or why you feel fearful, and you learn to recognize your triggers. Then, you can work on those triggers in therapy and practice using what you are learning from your therapist when you write in your journal. For example, I have a HUGE trigger surrounding being “just like” my mother. (She was NOT someone I want to emulate.) So, I’ve been working through that in therapy and exploring how and why that’s not true. After reminding myself several times in my journal of what I’m learning in therapy, it is starting to be easier to remember my own identity and how very different it is from hers. Journaling has also helped me spot when my thoughts turn self-destructive at work and I am working on ways to cope with the stressors that surround me in more positive and productive ways.

    Anyway, I wish you well on your recovery journey and I definitely think journaling is a great tool to use.

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