Lately Ive been having some issues with the better half….Ive been consta ntly going back and forth with her on stuff….Ive already said this before but we have a 9 yr old and she has him is private school which is fine…..whats not fine is I get tbarely jack diddly squat after filing disability..about 1600 a month when all is said and done…so she sees everything as fine and I see things like hey I am jacked up now…we cant live the way we used to…we have to c.ut back on expenses….We used to make about 80,000 combined and now its like maybe 45,000 plus my sons school runs 500 a month. Needless to say Ive become like a bum in my mind who just shells out the money like a moron…theres no way to get ahead for me…she likes starbucks and all that jazz and I cant drink the stuff and I look at every little thing thats a necessity and just dont buy anything…especially for myself…I mean nothing at all….I live on 1000 a month versus the 4 grand a month I used to and I know when we are in a tight spot, I also know credit is important and Ive lost that plus my rep and skills as a sparky, so what do I do? I tend to revert back to my old ways before I had success as a tradesman….I just dont see life through the same glasses…the book thing was fine but thats a longterm thing and nobody or hardly anyone makes bucks at it….so, maybe I did lose it…I spend so much time playing guitar and staring up into space its insane….I admit this whole disability and having this illness can really turn your life around….but then I see people who are perfectly healthy go and drink themselves to death or whatever….My eyes opened up and I started actually thinking rational, as could and now Im just considered a prude or an idiot for watching the funds….I dont get it….so I just find myself being down but I keep writing because its something to do..in all honesty I may as well be spraying graffiti on a building because noone really notices little things….I also see people who are normal, live in big houses…houses I used to install electrical stuff and I think to myself…holy shit…the light bulb really did turn off on me…..hence my obsession with vacumning in the past….maybe theres no hope…and maybe we are all being played..otherwise we wouldnt be here on this site needing suggestions….