I'm a bridesmaid. Today, I completed the process of having my dress adjusted (it is a nice dress, black with white flowers), and discussing the bridal party which is taking place March 5th. I was flattered when I was asked to be a bride's maid, but I wasn't aware of how much money it would cost me! Silly me!

Originally, it was decided amongst us that I would be responsible for bringing the potato salad, chips, and bread buns. I plan to make a "Russian" potato salad (Ham, potato, carrots, pickles, green peas, olive oil mayo, salt pepper. But today the bride changed her mind and decided that we don't need chips. The substitute? I was asked to bring the cheese dish! My immediate reaction was; "That's way more expensive then chips! The salad will cost me, too."

But I didn't say it. My discomfort and stress was noticeable, though. Instantly, they witnessed it. I felt trapped. All I've wanted to do since I've moved out is saved money, and I have managed to save a little bit! But I keep spending on all these different things, and mostly, not for myself! The dress cost me, the food will cost me, but I felt bad regardless. How could I not say 'no'? I tried to calm myself down by reminding myself that I can expect the same out of her when I'm wed. But there's always this doubt. And, I have to STILL pay for a bridal gift. <(@[email protected])> Soon after, I have to worry about the Stag N Doe, although…that may be more organization than money.

I did want to do this. I had thought it would give me some organizational skills. I always tend to feel overwhelmed and bored. My anxiety on holding onto money is silly, as I have enough. We're not poor and we're not in any risk. But I just keep wanting to save and save! For what? It's unclear.

I managed to avoid showing them that I didn't want to dish out a lot of money by stating I was simply anxious about making the plate.

She's my friend. I'm not cheap. I've given her $50.00 gift cards three times already *much more than a lot of others have spent for her), and I've been there for her. I just wish I knew how to hide my emotions better. My face just squirms uncomfortably and I look like I'm about to cry. Especially when I'm feeling angry or backed into a corner. I don't like losing a lot of money in short periods of time! We already had to dish out a lot for the new car.

I need to relax and stop focussing on the future – here and now is important!

Dad invited us out for wings tomorrow. I haven't seen him in 4 days and he's been working a lot. I don't want to be by him with the family situation but what can I do?


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