I sit beside him now the way he’s sat beside me for so many years, hoping my presence will give him comfort. He doesn’t have the strength to bound around our home today, in fact I’ve had to carry him to his litterbox—the stairs are too much for him to stumble up. My friend rests on an unfamiliar chair near his plate of food, I can tell he’s nervous about leaving it. I take off my undershirt and drape it over a portion of the dusty cushion, he slowly turns his head and looks up at me through his third eye lids. His body shows me no sign of recognition… unnecessary movement is too much effort right now. He starts to snuggle into his makeshift bed eventually and begins to rest as a wave of pleasure and sadness wash over me. He’s been so good to me… he doesn’t deserve this.

 

Hundreds of miles away someone very important to me is also in an unfamiliar hospital bed. My bumbling communication skills and my laxadasy attitude have hurt her badly recently, I fear exacerbating her physical condition. Things don’t always come out of my mouth the way I plan them to and when they don’t, I dont have the presence of mind to correct myself. I’m afraid I’ll plant a toxic seed in someones mind and they will start to see me the way I see myself. I’m an aspiring professional but I’ve proven again and again that I’m nothing but a child. One way or another I show my hand, except one avenue ends up hurting people I care about. I truly hope I can reconcile things.

 

The vet isn’t sure what’s wrong at the moment with my cat, blood work has been taken and we’ve communicated three times since today’s visit. He’s been recently diagnosed as diabetic and has started an insulin regiment but today’s symptoms are worrisome and problematic. He will likely have to go back into the office tomorrow unless something drastic changes by the morning.

 

I’m hoping and praying for the well being of the loved ones in my life and if you can spare some positive thoughts for them—I would be deeply grateful.

2 Comments
  1. LonelyFemaleForever 12 years ago

    Hope your loved ones get better soon

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  2. AngelintheDarkness 12 years ago

    Heya, None of this is your fault. I really hope your cat will get better soon, i have had numerous cats too, still have one now, its about 15 years old :O! But poor kitty! I hope it gets better soon.

    And  your friends, Go and visit that woman in your blog who is in the hospital, or phone. Dont let life slip past you, go and reconcile things with her. You will feel good for it and so will she. Im sure she will be glad to see you! Tell her how you have been feeling, and that your sorry.  It is all you can do. But dont sit and dwell on it, go do it. You cant help who you are. Im sure she will understand

    You say you are an aspiring professional, Thats amazing, keep it up!! and what do you mean you prove again and again that you are a child? Everybody slips up, just keep getting up again.

    I really hope everything perks up for you very soon and for your loved ones. Its never nice to have people close to you who are ill. If you need a chat you can leave me a message whenever and il get back to you. Dont put yourself down anymore.

    Sarah

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