I don't know anymore…. I just… The pain is unbearable… So things didn't go off as planed and I ended up breaking up with him over texting on Facebook messenger. Pretty crappy way if you ask me.. But he wouldn't shut up and leave it alone when I told him I didn't want to talk about why I was so different… Plus in the end perhaps it was little better… Because I was crying to the point where I couldn't even breathe let alone talk and he told me he was speechless… (Yes we have talked since then) plus I'm terrible in person. I've always been a shy person. I'm more open when I'm writing… Like right now… So that happened Sunday night… And I've been too depressed to do anything. I always thought that if someone broke up with someone, the one doing the breaking up wouldn't feel as bad… I was wrong. I probably feel worst then he does! I had always that if you break up with someone it was because you didn't love them anymore… I was wrong. I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop loving him.

People tell me all the time it may be hard now but sooner or later you will feel better. That there are more fish in the sea… That with time, I will be healed. But I'm broken. I just can't seem to pick myself up… Every inch of my house reminds me of him. Every article of clothing brings me back to a moment when we were together. Even at school I am remind of him. People got so used to us together. They constantly ask and I have to repeat the whole stop over and over again, forcing the memory to mind. I just…. I didn't know this kind of pain existed. I just… I almost cut myself the other day… I just… It was a bad day. I had to talk to him… I need to see him… But I couldn't… So I went to bed and cried…. I just… I'm feel so broken…