For the past month or so, I have really been strict in what I am doing to improve my self worth and so try and beat depression. These measures have included exercise, better eating habits (especially eating less sugar and eating more produce), journaling, and doing mindful breathing exercises if I feel really bad.

The last anxiety attack I had was Monday, so going on four days ago. But even during that attack, I could tell that I have made progress-it did not take as long to calm down, I was not nearly as negative about myself (telling myself I’m worthless, etc) and afterward, I was not up for hours thinking about things-I was able to relax and go to sleep.

This is amazing to me. It used to take me at least an hour to calm down, and I would not go back to sleep. And afterward, I would feel horrible for days because of my negative self thinking and self loathing.

I have also really noticed in the last few days that even though the medication is still making me groggy, I definitely have more energy, am more alert, and am genuinely happy. I don’t feel like things are crashing down around me even on what would’ve been a horrible day three months ago (They still don’t know whether my HPV has caused cancer or not, my brother was beaten up and now my famiy is pressing charges, my cake didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, and I was sick). Instead, I am focusing on the good things (I get to eat good food tomorrow at my boyfriend’s family bbq, I got a call back for a second interview at Target, and I don’t have to worry about paying for school next year). Before, I would’ve zeroed in on the negative and would have gone into a downward spiral. i’m really proud of myself. I know that I will eventually have another bad day, or that I will have another attack, but this just shows me that there is progress, and I am getting closer to my goal.


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