I maybe drunk but ever am I honest. all I want is to nuture and caare for those closest to me and yet they could die and leave me at anymoment and I pull away. I test my limits I push my feelings. I care so much but I cannot! To care is to hurt over every injustice every misdeed. I cannot hold them in my hands and protect themn from life. I cannot hide them from pain. I cannot. I love them all so dearly and yet I must not! I must not feel because when they leave me as they must I will be in unending pain. For every friend I lose a hole in my heart there becomes. Eloquent for someone so under the influence. Someone so prone to the addiction of freedom and uninhibited joy. I weep. For my friends. For my love for my family. I cannot let them near. I am hidden within my shyness forbodes me from the sin of friendship and caring. I fall away to hate and doubt to keep me safe fromn the pain of loss like I have felt so much before. I miss you Kali and I love you like always. You are my bestfriend and forever will be. I miss your headstone and the grass surrounding. I miss you memory your smell your laugh. I cannot remember a thing adn it hurts me so because you mean the world ten times over to me. you will be my forever friend forever gone but forever in my heart. I have let go o fso many just to hold onto your one true memory. Nothign is scared or perfect but my love for you and everything past. Nostalgia kill sme but it keeps me alive. Forever wanting what i cannont what I mustn' forever wishing to leave this world that hurts me inside and out. I dream to be in a dream of bliss and happiness but no such things come to me not in this time. I find sadness at every turn and I cry even when the spritis guide my consciousness or lack there of. Poetic justice will nto be found in my words. I miss what I've let go and I hate what awaits me day to day. pain. Pain. Someone save me. Knight in armor please come but you wont. My time has passed my love is here to stay and never to leave but in death he will depart. To leave the whole my Kali dear has left so big. To move on is treason and false. I cling to my dreams to the false anythign is better than this. Anthing. I wish to be dead. asleep forever my best frien dan dme no pain just love forever and save me Kali please. If I ever could beleive in an after life it is now.. Take me with you..take me back in time to never feel the pain uyou left me with tell me you're alright tell me you are sorry you hurt me so don't leave me here alone i need you…I love you…PLease take me ..