So I've been depressed and sad alot last few days. Ever since getting back from holiday I suppose. Getting back to real life…My life of stress. 

 I've been stressed alot because of still having NO job and feeling the tightness of my bank account. I only will be getting unemployment for a month or 2 and don't know if I'm going to be able to get a job by then. šŸ™ My monthly bills are about 800 dollars and my unemployment is just cutting it. Without it I will surely drown. I spent an hour this morning working out my bills, current balances and trying to plan the next month. 

 My parents are officially leaving Arizona. Middle of June they're going to Oregon. They'll be over 1300 miles away. And I don't know if I can be away from my family. Im used to seeing my mom at least once a month and now I don't even know if I'll be able to see her more then once a year. šŸ™ So on top of loosing my old roommates, the only friends I've got left in tucson, now i'm loosing my family and will have virtually no reason to go to my hometown. I feel like I'm loosing everyone…i feel abandoned. Everyone leaves…

 This will sound childish but yesterday i did some snooping on an ex best friends myspace…(backstory: we were best friends, her family wouldn't help her out so I cosigned on a credit card and she stopped making payments and i got stuck w/ 1300 dollars of her debt and since that time she wouldn't talk to me anymore even though I tried to still work it out w/ her)…and she knew my old roommates because i'd introduced them, she hung out w/ us when we went out for drinks and what not (when we were friends obviously) and then I moved to Phoenix and she kept talking and being friends w/ them. Then she fcked me over and she still stayed friends w/ them and now that they are being deported shes all writing blogs about how shes so sad that her closest friends are being sent away. And it hurts my feelings that they are friends now. And although me and my old roommates are still friends I'm still upset. I feel territorial i suppose because I don't have many friends…fck, I don't have ANY friends now. 

 I am tired of being depressed…tired of feeling anxious. 

1 Comment
  1. Sweetsolitude 14 years ago

    Sorry to hear you're feeling down, Jade – you've brightened the day for many here for a long time ! For some us though, we can't escape – the source of the stress & anxiety change, but that cloud seems to move with us…wishing you clear skies !

    hugs,

    Bill

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