haven't been here for awhile. working nights and trying not to use my cane as much. the free wi-fi is here at the ice cream place and yes its good! if it were'nt for the wind blowing it would be lord awful hot. its still in the high 80's low 90's and i would really like to be at a pool. i took this week off for vacation and am so bummed out. had made plans to see a high school friend and now the van has issues, my paycheck is not enough, bastards took 200 bucks out for a garnishment, which i do owe, but damn, why so much. still taking cold showers cause the gas has not been turned on yet. thats my call…i live with the cold water. and to top it all off, i went to the skin dr today for a look at a mole on my face and she found something on my back and did a plug. took the mole and skin around and down almost a 1/2 inch. now i have stitches and a big hole in my back. so no pool. my mom, brother, both grandmothers and a cousin all died of cancer so guess i'm not in so much denial as i want to be. i wanted to talk to my daughter about it and she had already left for work. maybe i can get with her later. she hasn't had much use for me since i moved off her couch, didn't have much use for me before eithes, dont know why it surprises me. aww the pity party starts. sorry i'm just glad i can put the words out there. i think with my little pay check i will sign up for cable and internet this week and just stay inside and out of trouble. my life is just a bunch of maybe's my back bone has gone soft, i'm aftraid of my shadow, afraid to take the first step to normal, afraid i will fail along with all the other failures. but atleast im still here, peace and blessings to all. hope to be online more often