Do you have value and purpose in your life? Is it that other people value you and they define your purpose? Is there a difference in value and purpose?Why do we wake up everyday? If we wake up every day, does that mean GOD has shown us our value and purpose to be here?

Did you know that healthy eating, fit, and dieting people don't always live to be 100+ years? Fact of the matter is we are all dying. Some of faster than others. I went to the grocery store the other day to get a Dr. Pepper for myself, but was asked to get some bannana's too. Which made me have to go into the store. I passed all the easter candy on my way to get the bannana's. On the way back I shopped for easter candy. After I decided on two bags of candy, I went and searched the ice cream isle. I was looking and the thought crossed my mind, what kind of diabetic goes to the store and comes home with candy and icecream? A dead diabetic. I laughed. If you know me, you will know I have diabetes and it is how I am slowly departing from this earth, well lately a little bit faster than I was actually.

Anyhow, this all has lead me to tonights blog about value and purpose. If I valued and had purpose in my life then I wouldn't be out shopping through the candy isle and ice cream isle after midnight. I would give a damn about living longer and want to be here on this earth as long as I possibly will be allowed to be here. I would sleep at night and be up during the daylight. Ah, the hell with it. I could go on and on describing the value and purpose. I'm not sure if I've ever had value and purpose in my life. I've been single all my 40 years on this earth. I've had friends come and go in my life. Most of the friends that have gone are friends that owed me money. Some are gone because of different reasons. And boy could I spill the beans about what was my family. I wont because to me, it is gone.

Let me recap here. Since July 2007. I've been single all my life. I have no children of my own (cared for a nephew, Joseph, for 7 years, but they removed him from my care July 2007, because of lies the person I used to call my mother), he got removed from the care of the person I called my mother and is currently living with his father, who should have took care of him when his first wife asked him but he was too much of a whopped ass from his second wife to put his foot down and tell her he was going to care for his son. To this day, he blames her for him not taking care of him. Sadly, Joseph will be in another fight for who he going to live with when his IDIOT, stupid can't talk english correctly, mother comes back from her deployment (and I am trying not to wish something bad on her because I don't want the karma). Either way, I must say this about the whole thing. Joseph had a life before his fucking parents who didn't completly own being parents to him before now and he is the one who will and has suffered. Though losing daily care of him has dealt me a very bad blow, my pain will never compare to who knows what he is feeling. I did go to court for visits with Joseph, but got yelled at by the judge that I was not a parent even without hearing my side of the story. I will NOT ever have anything to do with that person, if you can call her a person, I called mom most of my life! I lost my 15 y\o dog in January this year. And less than a month later, my best friend and buddy stopped talking to me because they couldn't be around my mantality (judging by this blog I could kind of see their logic, but there is more to it).

*value and purpose*


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