Well, it’s been a while since I was in here, and this is the first time I write on this blog… to vent out, mostly. [br]
Lately, everything has gone from good, to bad, to worse, to shit. My uncle and my grandfather both had to be hospitalized, about a month ago. My uncle had lung cancer and got treatment, but then couldn’t breathe and had to be hospitalized again (about a month ago, the occasion I’m talking about here). That stressed me out, but fortunately, he came out about a week later. Around the same time, my grandfather had to be hospitalized too. He had this rare illness that I don’t much about, except it makes your intestines and stomach kinda grow some sort of bags. When this bags open or break, what happened to him, the agony kicks in and the organs are poisoned, or something similar.
They had to cut his intestines a few times and keep him on sedatives and stuff, ’cause the pain caused by this all is supposedly the worst possibly physical pain, equivalent to a heart attack, but in the stomach and intestines, and it lsts longer. There were a few moments in which he woke up and was agonizing. The medics were pretty negligent at several points.

Long story short; he died 4 days ago.

Then I call my best friend, and he tells me his father is hospitalized, and so is his uncle. This was about two weeks ago. Just last week his uncle died, too. He had an extremely rare disease (only 2 registered cases in my country).

If things weren’t bad enough already, I think I’m going insane. I just started seeing a shrink and it’s not helping much so far, though it’s still early…
My musical projects are getting delayed for a lack of software that I procrastinate on getting, so I suck.
And of course, the worst of it all… I found out the girl I’m hopelessly in love with, likes another guy. I can hear people say the “there are other fish in the sea” thing, but not so much when you’re a misanthrope with 6 personality disoders.
I’m also feeling guilty, because I have become pretty much obsessed with her. She’s all think about, especially when I write music. I believe she can kind of tell, or imagine that I like her as more than friends, and I can only imagine how uncomfortable it must be for her if my assumption is right. So that’s why I feel guilty. It’s no good for our friendship, and even if she doesn’t feel what I feel for her, I value her friendship more than I can express.
I have no idea what to do about it, but it’s driving me insane.


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