I got a call from a friend. Sizzler, a place i worked for ten years, until bipolar took over my life, was looking for some one for salad bar. I thought to myself what better place to see if i can handle going back to work. Get off my ass and start helping out my family financailly. So i took the job. It never occured to me what i would do about daycare, sports, or my family. Today is my first real day and already having trouble with daycare. Family said they would help and already called in sick. My husband had a good point this moring. I am basically working minimum wage to pay for the daycare. And what about going back to school. Collage is pretty important if i want a career. But what do i do now. i already took the job. My first day and i feel so much anxiety. Im stressed. here i was just trying to help and messed everything up yet again. I no longer will get help from the ssi office in finding the right job that fits my illness. I messed up my disability. I just feel lost and i barely got started. I was so sick of sitting around the house watching us scrape by i thought this would help. I guess thats me though, never thinking anything through. Always jumping before i look over the edge. My friend stuck her neck on the line to get me my job back. My husband is trying to be supportive but is terrified my bp will flare up because im working and ganna try to do school too. Its been three years since i have held a job. I dont want to let anyone down. I just thought if i got out of the house and worked i would get out of this rut ive been sitting in for the last few years and do something good for everyone. ive lost my socail skills. I fear ive lost some intelligence as well sitting around the house. Im just so lost i dont know what to do. ride it out i guess and hope for the best is all i really can do right now. Lesson learned.

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