Today I realized that I need to actually address my OCD and stop running from it. I was diagnosed in college and after a few sessions with a therapist I felt "crazy" and so I stopped going. I've been okay for the most part in the years since but it is resurfacing with a vengeance now. I just moved into a new apartment and it is very nice BUT I cannot seem to get comfortable. I'm very interested in knowing if anyone has OCD similar to mine because I feel I'm weird for what I feel. My anxiety comes from germs/cleanliness and there's nothing I feel I can do to prevent it. As I said, my apartment is really nice but for some reason I feel like it's not clean. I have wiped and cleaned and sprayed disinfectant and I just haven't gotten comfortable yet and I don't know what it's going to take. I haven't wanted to eat since I've been here (a week) and I have been touching things minimally (walls, lights, etc.). I have put air freshners throughout the house but the natural smells from like the wood and closets is bothering me, I have found myself holding my breath when opening the pantry and the refrigerator. Ironically I can go to a friend's apartment that is not as nice and I feel okay for the most part. So I don't understand why I am not comfortable with my things even though they're in a new place. The worst part is I don't REALLY know what triggers this and I don't know AT ALL how to get over it. I am afraid that I am going to feel like a prisoner for this next year in this lease and I shouldn't because the place is great…I'm just not. If anyone can relate or can share or offer advice…I'd welcome it.
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Hi Lindsay…your words mean a lot thank you. You are right, I need to tell myself that things are clean if I have cleaned them. And it's only been a week so I hope my anxiety dies down soon. Each day is such a struggle though especially when you feel like no one understands and when there's no one here to go through it with you.
Hi there. I do not suffer from the same type of obsessions as you do. However, I have learned that the best way to fight this disease is to not perform your compulsions. I suggest next time you open your pantry, take a big breath and say to yourself "i am breathing in a whole bunch of germs right now." It sounds terrible I know, but we need to trick our ocd and stop letting it ruin our lives.
I think change of any sort triggers OCD–especially major changes like moving. I, too, touch things a lot–more than minimally. My place is actually a huge mess–this is a lot because when I do address cleaning it, I do it excessively. It drives me crazy and wears we out, so I end up avoiding cleaning. I have a lot of problems with feeling like I'm not clean, so I'll scrub and scrub and wash and wash myself. Same with washing dishes and clothes (I have to wash both by hand; don't have machines for either).
I'm the same way with other people's places; I couldn't care less if their houses are clean or whatever. I don't really think about the germs there. I think it has to do with that I know that I'm the one cleaning at my place and I don't feel like I'm competent to clean things properly.
I'm guessing what you're experiencing is fear of the unknown–it's a new place where you haven't faced dealt with the obsessive thoughts of the harm that could befall you there yet. Not that OCD fears can really be rationalized.
@Unknowable/Donnie- Both of you said something so simple that I hadn't really thought to do- not feeding into my compulsions. I am definitely going to make myself try that starting tonight. Hopefully I will be posting to you all with some good news soon. Thanks so much for the support.