I am feeling so wrong tonight.  So screwed up, and out of sorts.  So depressed, and worthless…  I don’t like myself, right now, and I don’t know why anyone does.  It’s unfathomable to me, at the moment.  I feel so awful.  Sometimes, all my efforts just seem like a sad joke – like I could never see this through, and how long am I going to torture myself with the notion that I could have something better?  Maybe, that low ass existence is where I belong – where I deserve to be, because I earned those chains, being a lousy person when I should have been better.  Failing at the things that mattered most…  or just leaving them unfinished…  giving up…  like a coward…  I know this is my depression screwing with me, but it’s hard to ignore that voice completely.  It can get loud.

"Stop the season, stop the sting
A plastic mic a broken string
Infected wound from a rusty ring

Soon, you’ll be there too"

I feel like a jerk because I am not up to calling my folks, the past couple of days – I can’t even handle talking to my mom when she calls.  I feel badly.  I know they miss me, and I love them, but I am a mess, and I can’t fake the smile I would have to muster – not even over the phone.  I haven’t talked to my dad in a while.

"Kissing families can’t recall
A program to derail us all
Forgotten prison, it’s been safe ’til now

Thank god you’re heart is too close"

I feel so insufficient.  So insignificant…  people are probably sick of hearing this.  I am sick of hearing it, too.  I am sick of myself.  I am sick of nearly everything, at the moment.  Nearly everything…

"This can be the bitter end
I know it wont