How can you have fear of life/living and at the same time be scarred to die? How can you feel like you dont understand both life and death and be caught in the middle too without knowing who you are, where you’re standing and where you wanna go?

This is how I feel. I find it a bit of a weird feeling and it confuses me, I dont know what to do or what to think. Sometimes I wake up and I dont even know who I am anymore. I dont know what I want to do in my life in any aspect. My mind and decisions changes everyday.

I wish I knew my true identity to know for which things goes well with me or not, that way it would be much better to make certain decisions. I have been going around from one study to another without finding the thing that would give me the drive, the passion to live. Now I am wondering if its just me who is the problem. I feel like im going crazy.

It feels like im caught in frustration, fear, confuses, identity crisis and at the same time sometimes I feel im growing from these expresiences. Maybe this is just a difficult time I have to get over in my life in order to find the real me and my inner peace and/or the things that I really want. I hope I will get over this.

I feel so weird sometimes when I’m thinking the stuff I do. Death, crimes, evolition, religion, science, technology, deseases, diffirent biologe themes, languages, culture, alternative news/conspiracie theories, ‘God’ , 2012, natural disasters, paranormal, counseling, psychology, chemistry, space, UFO’s, the beginning of life, bible, literature, true love, brains, writting a book.
This feeling is so overwhelming I have so much things on my mind. I feel im losing it. There are alot of things I’m asking myself. Lots of questions about myself, this world, our universe, humans (etc like the above) I’m looking for the answers.

I truly feel like im going crazy. I went to sleep 2:00 am woke up 5:00 am its 6:32 am. I can’t make my head clear of nothing, I can’t think about nothing. I’m sorrounded my this overwhelming feeling and feel like I have to throw up to make some space or through up wathever curse I have inside of me. What is this? Who am I? Where am I? Where did this world come from?  How did everything start? When and how will everything end? How does this life works? Is freedom an illusion? Because they say we live in a ‘free’world yet I feel like a prisoner everyday. Prisoner of this world and my mind, caught in the middle.
What is this I am feeling and why does it feels like I am stranger to myself and to the entire world and universe. I wonder; did I lost my mind?

Im going to try use my blogs and try to be a better writter (literature, language, spelling) to finish the book I am trying to write. Maybe it might help me get some things out of my head and try to understand all these things and myself better.