So I’m still very much still recovering from my break up. I’m trying to sort things out in my life. I guess before I go into a decision I’ve come up with I should tell you a backstory that will relate.
So for about two years this was this girl that I was pursuing. She was very shy and I felt like maybe had social anxiety. I will admit I didn’t make it easy for her because I definitely came on too strong on more than one occasion. After my first 2 failed attempts of trying to date her, my friends were trying to counsel me to move on. They said she had already moved on and I should do the same. They also told me that it seemed like she was just stringing me along. Even though deep down I knew it to be true, I had this unexplained calling that told me I should keep pursuing her anyways. I somehow knew that I wouldn’t get her, but there was something I needed to learn. More importantly, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself and would always think “what if” had I quit too easily. So long story short I did continue to pursue her and we never did end up together. At the end of it all, though, I will say I am so glad I didn’t listen to others and followed my own decision. I did learn a lot from the endeavor. I became a stronger person. More importantly I had no regrets.
The reason I bring up that story is because I feel I need to make a decision for myself again that people close to me will probably try to talk me out of. The decision I’m considering of making is to still support and be available for my ex even though she will be dating another guy. What I mean by this is by maybe visiting her mom when my ex isn’t there and helping them with the new house she will be getting. I also want to subtly let my ex know that I’m not too far away in case she ever is in a jam. I know it’s going to be difficult not completely pushing her out of my life especially when she will be with someone else. The reason I want to do this is because I can’t seem to forgive myself for the break up. My friends have helped me realize that it took both of us to break the relationship, but I know I have a lot of regrets on not being as supportive as I should have been. She is very fragile. She’s been hurt most of her life. She’s very negative, but it is because time and time again people have let her down. I just feel horrible that I made someone that delicate have a more stressful life than she deserved. There is a very good chance I’ll continue to get hurt still trying to be in her life. However, I feel that I won’t be able to forgive myself until I can have my reckoning with her.