I asked my husband for a separation last week. It went well, although it hurt to see him in such pain. I wish I could take care of him, but I need to take care of me, too, and they are currently mutually exclusive. For once, I am choosing me.
I was in a conference out of state all week, and had a blast. I met up with an old friend, who hurt me badly years ago- one of those hurts that may scar, but never truly heals, ya know? She was excited to see me, and was in with the large bunch of people that went out to dinner that night. She pulled me aside and said the most wonderful thing- she said she was glad she had run into me, because she had been wanting to apologize to me for a couple years for being immature, hurtful, etc, etc, etc. I almost cried- it was like someone had spread healing balm into a wound you thought would never heal. I had forgiven her years ago for my own sake and sanity, but to be able to do so in person was an incredible feeling.
Always find a way to forgive, even if you still have to leave the situation. Get out (I did- I moved out of state), take the time to forgive yourself for any part you might have played (even simply trusting the wrong person). Eventually, forgive the other person as well, to enable access to the precious memories of happiness walled behind the hurt. Take pleasure in those memories, as from any other, without a pall of anger/hate/doubt hanging over them. No moment of joy should be locked away from memory forever- every smile counts, and if the memory can make you grin, let it out.
he rest of the week was directly affected by those few words, I had a good group of guys hanging out with me, including her, and we had 2 nightsof hard drinking,
On a much different note (and the reason my mood is listed as "Other"), I found out Wednesday that my mother had had half of her large intestine from the appendix to about the navel removed, along with the surrounding issue and lymph nodes. At that point we were told it was cancer, but no details made it from the oncologist, to me, through my father's translation. I so wish I was thereI need to care for her like she has done so often for me! She has forbidden us to even consider coming out to visit.I can't let that slide- I am looking into staying wth family in the aream cooking a bunch of stews and chilis that we can freeze so she doesn't feel like she has to cook for Dad.
Any fall food suggestions are officislly requested!
Cearly a week of ups and downs. WE will just hope for happier thought to make next week better.
