Soooooo….., My Day started off with my Parent's Waking me up to tell me they were leaving & me pretending that I would be getting up to go to Work, but in all reality, I had called the Night b4 and Said my Grandpap died and I had to leave town, so I pretty much lied to everyone…. & I'm not proud of it, I'm not happy w/ myself, but I just couldn't take a chance of going and panicing @ a place that I want to work, that I need to work.

Then.. I was up for a while, my phone rang, and I was on it, but it said a familiar name.. My old bestfriend's Dad.. I missed the call, so I tried to call back & no answer. I tried texting & saying, is this Janice, but no answer.. & When I was talking to my Gram, the same # called back.. Answered and it was Janice…. My old best friend, who has the daughter Alexis.. I Think I wrote about them before.. But we haven't talked in a looong time.. She said, have you talked to Jim, Jim is her 2nd child's Dad, Her Baby that is not even 4 month's yet, and asked if I was friend's w/ Him on facebook. I despise Him, so I'm not sure why She would even think that.. but then she said he and I broke up, bc I didn't have my shit together, He kept warning me to get it together, but I never listened, like he is Her Dad or something.. & finally He just left, and it was my own fault.. So now I just got a job online and She said he is happy and that He Wished She would have done it for the right reason's, whatever.. But they were supposiably gonna get back together, even though on his Facebook it says he has a new gf. But then he started Hearing all this stuff, and this is when I supposiably come into play, it is stuff that happened TEN YEARS ago!! About stuff that happened up my other friend's and her's ex boyfriends house.. It was a crazy party house, and the thing was I never went there..!! But according to Jim he was getting this info from Three different ppl, none of which knew each other and one of the Girls Lives on the same Road as me. Everyone said I shouldn't have answered, and She acted all cool after I told Her no and was talking about Life and what She's been up to and asked me whats going on w/ me, but everyone said that I should have hung up when she accused me.. It's been so long and She was my bestfriend, and I could Hear Alexis Sounding so grown up.. = ( made me sad.. She said, She has Her own car, and that She just a got a job, online, that pays better then any other job She has had, I'd LOVE to know how to find that kind of job, and She Hopes to be moved out in the next Month or so.. She's Living w/ her Dad, 2 kids, a Dog, Him and His GF in a duplex, so Idk how thats going.. She said I'll talk to you later, but I doubt it.. & I have to be okay w/ that..

I got a little anxious b4, talking to the ex.. Wanted to try and be "sexy" for him, and I couldn't do do it.. Im so back and forth with him, it annoys me, I cant Imagine how He feel's.!

Since I didn't go to Work Today my Parent's Said that I should make an appointment to go See my Therapist, I know what She will say tho.. I dont know if I'll Look for a new one of not, actually I'm gonna have to because I'll be off's my Parent's Insurance in a few weeks, on my 26th Bday, ugh im so old.. Janice BIrthday is the day b4 mine but She'll be 27….

It's super late, and I'm sorry I use this for a journal even when it's not having to do with anxiety, but sometimes it seems like everything, every decision I make is based around anxiety. My Aunt wants me to come out w/ her to get the Baby and then stay and hang out with my Cousin, cause its Her Bday this Weekend, I don't Think I'll do that, ugh = /. I'm sleepy now and the Steelers Won Lol!!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3