Wow. That’s a lot. I’m sorry you are going through this rough time. My parents died last year and my last remaining grandparent died of a heart attack the day of my Mom & Dad’s funeral. I know loss. But I also know gain. My faster parents adopted me.

As for the transgendered thing. I’m at a loss for words. I support you. Find your heart and do what is necessary. I wouldn’t dare make a judgement on your feelings. Though, I have to say that I have felt like a girl before, but I love my dick and I feel inside empowered like a boy.

I feel lost too sometimes. Lonely for sure. That is only part of the reason I am on this site. The other part is because I tried to kill myself using Dad’s Corvette. I was stupid. Since that day I have come out to my parents and told them the truth about Kyle molesting me. It went on for a long time and really fucks with my head. The court ordered me into therapy and my therapist made this site a requirement.

Dr. Hansen says all I have to do is tell the truth. He says I can tell any truth and no one will put me back into the hospital.

I miss my friends. A few think I am just a psych case and otherwise worthless, but most of my surfing buddies still hang with me. A few even have anxiety like mine but hide it better. That was nice to know. I am not alone.

The boy, Kyle, who molested me is in prison. Though he really fucked me in the head, I can see now that he was just using me to feed his sickness. He was a senior when I was in 7th grade. I just wanted a friend to surf and ride bikes with during lonely times. I never saw or realized what he was doing until he really hurt me. Thankfully, I have really cool parents now that they adopted me.

I’m sorry that it also happened to you. Hang in there. Death is no solution, I see that now. And as for your grandpa dying, it is a fact of life. We are all born to die. It is how he lived that will beat on in your heart. It is okay to morn his absence, but celebrate his life.

I recently discovered that my Grandpa William was a sailor at the time of the Pearl Harbor attack, aboard the USS Maryland. He was badly wounded in the attack but after leaving the Navy he went on the become a lawyer who fought for the rights of U.S. Japanese citizens who were kept captive in California until the end of the war. I didn’t know he was so cool. It’s a shame that he died without ever telling me about WWII.

I wish you well. If you want to talk, tell me.

Finn