Hello everyone, whos out there and reading my little thoughts.
I wondre how many people feels like me now. This numb, boring feeling, what is 
devouring me. How many people wonderd what its like in others shoe. I cant tell you. 
What I can, is waht its like in my shoe. Its not that shit at all. I have a nice,
loving family. Two pets. A school. Some friends, just an avarege life, avarege people
within. And this is what kills me. Literally. This is it. Who cares my grandfather died?
Everyone dies someday?! Who cares I got raped? Everyone who has a womenly body or just
any type of body, that can be tamed goes thrue that! Who cares that I AM A BOY!!! 
Everyone cant think waht they think and I dont have any power to change that.
Im always gonna be a girl, just silly little girl. Even tho Im a silly little guy.


Thas there anyone out there?
  1. finnpackard 1 year ago

    Wow. That’s a lot. I’m sorry you are going through this rough time. My parents died last year and my last remaining grandparent died of a heart attack the day of my Mom & Dad’s funeral. I know loss. But I also know gain. My faster parents adopted me.

    As for the transgendered thing. I’m at a loss for words. I support you. Find your heart and do what is necessary. I wouldn’t dare make a judgement on your feelings. Though, I have to say that I have felt like a girl before, but I love my dick and I feel inside empowered like a boy.

    I feel lost too sometimes. Lonely for sure. That is only part of the reason I am on this site. The other part is because I tried to kill myself using Dad’s Corvette. I was stupid. Since that day I have come out to my parents and told them the truth about Kyle molesting me. It went on for a long time and really fucks with my head. The court ordered me into therapy and my therapist made this site a requirement.

    Dr. Hansen says all I have to do is tell the truth. He says I can tell any truth and no one will put me back into the hospital.

    I miss my friends. A few think I am just a psych case and otherwise worthless, but most of my surfing buddies still hang with me. A few even have anxiety like mine but hide it better. That was nice to know. I am not alone.

    The boy, Kyle, who molested me is in prison. Though he really fucked me in the head, I can see now that he was just using me to feed his sickness. He was a senior when I was in 7th grade. I just wanted a friend to surf and ride bikes with during lonely times. I never saw or realized what he was doing until he really hurt me. Thankfully, I have really cool parents now that they adopted me.

    I’m sorry that it also happened to you. Hang in there. Death is no solution, I see that now. And as for your grandpa dying, it is a fact of life. We are all born to die. It is how he lived that will beat on in your heart. It is okay to morn his absence, but celebrate his life.

    I recently discovered that my Grandpa William was a sailor at the time of the Pearl Harbor attack, aboard the USS Maryland. He was badly wounded in the attack but after leaving the Navy he went on the become a lawyer who fought for the rights of U.S. Japanese citizens who were kept captive in California until the end of the war. I didn’t know he was so cool. It’s a shame that he died without ever telling me about WWII.

    I wish you well. If you want to talk, tell me.


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      edmund 1 year ago

      Thank you, you probably dont even know how much this comment means to me now. I hope we can be friends. From your respon I know that youre a funny, kind, and smart guy, who has gone thrue a lot, but still standing, so you are strong to. I loved to be friends with a guy like that, and I think, I could share my story with you, which i didnt get to do for a really really long time, would you listen to me, if I text you?

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