So, I said i would blog on Sunday, but I cant simply wait. I super behind in my college work, sunday I will unveil the fact that I lied to my parents about school, which is my biggest stressor right now, bills are piling up and i cant concentrate. Man!! I hope I will find suppor on sunday after I tell them, and even though the reason I have I happen to believe is valid, I dont know how will my parents perceive it? I mean im on medication right now for depression and until recently I didnt know I'm ADD.

Still, my stomach is a messes right now, I keep avoiding everything from school, to bills, talking to my dad, friends and I have been sensing that my isolation is pushing them away. I dont know when is this going to stop and im even scared that if lets say that on sunday i find the support that im craving, Will that start the cycle again? Will that relief of me knowing that im not in trouble or that its not that much of a big deal will set up for me to start my previous behaviors? I just feel alone right now, somehow hopeless, tired of looking back and seeing my life of failures, tired of always having to start over, TIRED.

My cravings for drugs are increasing big time!!! Some other time, Id be messed up by now, coping with drugs and alcohol and now that Im not using its hard for me to face life(since its new)

Does anyone else had a hard time getting over the STIGMA OF DEPRESSION? Even myself, I used to avoid the word and used sad or down or something else, I had a hard time using the word depression. I feel like im going to be looked down upon and that people, family and friend will think the usual u know: crazy dude, always needing help or im less of a man or i have a weak character or some bullshit like that. I hope everything goes well on sunday and if i feel okay that night i will post something.

Have a blessed day!!!


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