aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

why do i feel so frustrated

why does my life suck oh so much

i feel like i should just end it sometimes but then again sometimes i feel so lost i dont even have the ability to do that.

i am finally seeing a shrink again. will this work? i hope so.. So far slow progress but i am trying to stick to it.

Had another week where i dont know where I went who I became.. I just dont know who I am anymore. I keep trying to come back to myself but its like that space that is empty … i cant figure out what used to be there so i cant get back. I get a flashing glance for aminute and then its gone and its like as though i dreamed it .

I feel like i am more and mroe alienating myself from people… from work.. from everything and everyone.. my boyfriend is such a fucking depressive always fucking suicidal so fragile and i try to help but god if im fucked up how can i help him? sometiems he says i am causing him issue si cant tell if its him or me or us both. cause though he canmake me feel so terrible he can also me me feel so good. i want to cry and sit and eat myself into oblivion and lay down and keep forgetting and keep withdrawing ntil its so bad that i go and get outta here and yet i knwo i shouldnt i know..i belive that i should know.. should be able to be ….happy.

Tribers can you really remember the last time you were truly happy?

Idont know when its been so very very very long … i cant think of a single full day in years where i was happy not just ok or barely there but actually happy. i want that back how to get it ? i dont know .

Goodnight and goodbye tribe. Ifi loose it all  I promise not to tell you.