Well i had a busy day yesterday i went to work, came home had a shower and went out again to meet a friend who i haven't seen in like 5 years. that part was great. half way through i got a text from my boyfriend to say he's got an early shift 2moro at work which is 5 mins from meso was wondering if he could come over after his late shift that evening. URGH. he didn't get here till nearly midnight. my parents got back from holiday at around half past midnight. so it literally all happened at once..
we had to wake up ridiculously early! he went to work at 6am and i drifted back to sleep luckily, but i missed my counselling session at 9am coz i overslept. so i was angry about that, then i went down to speak to my mum, asked her if she had a nice holiday she said yeah yeah it was amazing, i was jelous but didn't want to admit it. then she said me or my brother have to be home for when my sister come home from mexico. i'm green with envy that my whole family have been on holiday in all these exotic places and ive been stuck in my same old depressing routine!! Mum left to go make herself some breakfast and came out the kitchen a minute later with daggers for me. (not literally) She asked what had happened with the tea towel, i explain thinking it would be funny. (if my brother had told the story of how he'd burnt the tea towel it would have been hillarious) but oh no, i admited it and she said "pfft and u wondr why we worry about you" im supposed to be moving out next week and it just feels like she's putting me down all the time, ican't wait to get out of here!!!!!!!!
My boyfriend is coming back in about 20 mins after his morning shift, then we're supposed to be going back to his..i haven't been to the gym in about 3 days so i feel like shit!!! i have no time now..i feel horrible and disgusting and BLURGH. horriblle person!!! came upstairs with full intention to cut myself. then rememberd my bf will be here soon so i better not. so im just sitting here boiling up with rage about what just happened and how i cannot stand up for myself. never have been, probably never will be able to. arggh!!!
rant over.
Stop, take a deep breath, let it out slowly, Repeat until you feel less confliced.May all be well with you. Hugs Mary.
It's okay to rant Naomi. I'm glad to hear you chose not to cut yourself. I know it seems like it helps but really only makes us feel worse about ourselves. You're a good person and I like you a lot ~ don't let your demons make you believe otherwise. I would be envious too if I had to stay at the house while my whole family went to all those neat places! I hope your day gets better hon. (((((HUGS)))))