Well my daughter took advantage of me again, she had a dinner date last night and didn't bother to say when she would be home.  I put Landon down to bed as usual and went to bed around 1am.  I get up this morning for the baby and she is no where to be found, she didn't come home last night. I've told her before to let me know if she's not coming home so I don't worry but did she send a little text or call me?  No..

This morning the baby came and it was hard picking him today with my spine hurting like it does and also my heel is horribly painful when I stand on it the tendonitis is raging…I need to go to the doctor for it but anyway like I said it was hard picking up and when I step on the hurt foot the pain is excruciating and I lose my balance because I can't stand it.   Well I went to pick up the baby and put him in the rocking chair to change his diaper and I lost my balance when I turned with him and went down into the pad of the rocking chair pretty hard but I thought I was saving him from hitting hard and he didn't but his head was too close to the wooden slats on the chair and hit his head on them.  Naturally he screamed and when I saw it was already purple I cried too.  What a grandmother I am to let my little baby get hurt like that!!  I feel horrible!  It didn't bruise up like I thought it would but there is a little mark there.  I was afraid to tell his mommy until she came home cause I know she would freak out and want to come home from work so I just waited till she got here and she was pretty calm about it.

Next, Dana finally came home from her date last night at 9am and she reeked of alcohol so I know she drank too much but she never said why she didn't come home and my guess is she spent the night with this guy.  She has bad luck with guys and doesn't have the best taste when it comes to picking them they are losers and end  up treating her lilke crap but this new guy I think there might be hope he's not like all the other guys she's been with.  He's a few years older than her instead of the same age or younger so he's more mature and set in life.  He owns his own golf course which is very prestigious so he's doing well and actually treats her like a lady holding the door for her and things like that, taking her to nice places for dinner.  I haven't met him yet she's waiting to see how it turns out with him and then he will meet me and Landon.  The last guy she dated came from Pa and lived with us while he found a job and place to live, was only supposed to be  here a few weeks and it turned into a few months and as far as jobs went he got fired from one and didn't show up on the other and then we find out his rehab didn't work  he was doing pain pills again and always high so Dana had to make him leave and it hurt Landon because he would play with him and always doing things with Landon so he couldn't understand why he wasn't there anymore….I'm glad she's taking it slow this time.

Well that was my morning and I was so busy with the kids time flew by but then as the afternoon went by and the kids were asleep for a nap the depression seemed to come down on me  like a ton of bricks.  I don't know if it was triggered by the baby getting hurt or not but all I could do was cry and I'm still crying for some reason I haven't figured out yet.  Maybe inside I'm kinda jealous Dana has someone to go out with, hold hands with, kiss and just have fun together…I miss that so much.  I don't know if I'll ever  have that again after how I got burned this last time it will be very hard for me to trust again.  I have to learn to deal with that and I haven't yet.

I have realized I don't miss the guy as much as I miss going places all the time, seeing places and things I've never seen before, had someone to cook dinner for who loved my cooking, cleaning for him I loved to keep a nice house and all that goes with it.  I miss the simple things hugs, smiles and laughter, holding hands while we watch a movie, etc…I'm kinda lost and  hopefully soon time will heal  my heart.


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