Partying doesn't involve the word "fun" for me. I have a few aquaintences that may or may not be addicts who like to go out and drink and always invite me along. I politely decline and I don't feel like I need an explanation of why. Of course they think I'm rude, or boring or whatever but I'm not into that anymore. They try to convince me saying oh it will be so much fun! You just need to relax! Sometimes I begin to justify it telling myself, yeah, what the hey, but I usually realize what a bad idea it is for me. Now, a few of these friends were invited to my wedding, and we had fun, and there were people who drank so it wasn't a completely sober evening for everyone. Now they have invited me to theirs, and I am not very interested in going because it will most definately be a drunk fest and I'm not into that. They like to drink, and that's ok for them but not me. I already have to tolerate it at home with my family and it's ok, because I am now mostly comfortable being sober around non sober people. But I don't have much of choice 'cause they're my family haha. But, I do have a choice to attend this wedding and it would cost some money which I would rather not waste but I don't want to seem rude. Why am I caring so much about what they think? I don't know..they have been very kind to me (except for respecting and understanding that I'm an addict but I can't expect them too entirely right? We're at different places in our lives) and I don't want to offend them by not attending they're wedding. But I REALLY don't want to go. Anyways, I guess I'm just rambling. And on top of this stupid stuff I've been having alot of using thoughts. No actions have been taken, just thoughts and it's putting me a little on edge because I know that's just trouble and  fantasizing about it only leads to making it a reality. Aii..I need a distraction right now! Thanks for letting me vent about this dumb stuffe