Something has been nagging on my mind for a while now. Iv been seeiing my counsellor for about 6+ months, shes a lovely woman – really kind, understanding, caring and compassionate and she has been a great help to me. In fact i dontknow what i would have done without her. I see her once a week for an hour (which never quite seems long enough) and sometimes i go in and im on top of the world, sometims i am upset, depressed, angry or i can be completley happy and feel rreally good about myself and no matter what way i feel she welcomes me. By now she knows me well enough to know if im not in a great mood , dont want to talk or dont know what to be talking about and she will just  say'we dont even have to talk, this is your time , if you want you can just look out the window and think.

 I think this is really nice of her and it sums up her whole approach, she is very laid back and easy going, she doesnt push me  to talk and lets me go at my own pace and makes me feel really comfortable so in turn i end up talking and talking and talking and saying things i wouldnt even realise were on my mind. Its as if the words just come rolling out…and dont stop!

Sometimes i wonder is she no suppossed to give me more feedback? its not as if she doesnt talk at all because she does, she wil ask some questions and make comments but she doesnt really give me alot of feed back. I would like her to tell me what she thinks of me? not in  a personal way but about my problems. Also how she thinks i am doing, what would be best for me, etc. Also i must mention here that she does say things like i seem happy, or i am looking well but i would like her to go deeper, about how she feels i am progressing, the changes she has seen in me from when we first met up to now.

I am not even sure why i want these things, i guess i feel a bit like i go to her every week and alot has happend in the last 6 + months and i would just like her professional opinions on my circumstances and our sessions, even just once in a while. Its not that i doint feel i get enough out of our sessions , because i do. I get alot in fact, when  i see her and we talk properly, and i go home i think for a long time and resolve issues wiht myself, answer un answered questions to myself,i become stronger every time i see her and i deal with some more of my past or my feelinsg or circumstances. Al these are great tings and i wouldnt have alot of them wassnt for her.

I am not even sure if what i am loking for is something that counsellors do, and if they dont thats absloutley fine but at the monent i feel like a counsellor giving feedback to a patient is normal? maybe i am wrong…
If anyone has any info on this or was in a similar situation i would love their adivice  on what to do or how to apporach the situation,i would hate to say it to her and have her think that i dont think shes helping me properly as thas not the case at all. Or maybe i shouldnt say anythig at all because maybe this isnt something that a counsellor would do ……………………………….

  1. acemenom 15 years ago

    Do you have a sponsor? I go to counseling as well and like you I find it somewhat lacking. My sponsor does a lot more for my recovery in many ways that my counselor doesn't. I appreciate them both, they both have a place in helping me get better. I don't always get what I want but I get what I need. Hope that helps Kizzy. 

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  2. KizzyT31 15 years ago

    hey acemenom, no i dont have a sponsor, i only stared to go to NA around 3 weeks ago and since i wnt the first time i havent managed to get back due to other responsibilities .i.e – i have a job now and work alot of evenings which is when the meetings are on in my area. I met a great guy in NA that time i went and we have, whats turned out to be, a great friendship now. We talk all the time and meet up a  few times a week. He has been to treatment etc which i have not, well not resisential anyway, and he does give me great advice, so thats good and for now i guess he is like a sponsor to me! Although i value his opinions and tell him alot he is not a professional with experience in talking to probably hundreds of people so thats why i think i would like my counsellor’s ‘professional’ opinions!

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  3. daleOM 15 years ago

    Hiya Kizzy it sounds as though you and your counsellor are doing some good work. The counsellors role is different to that of a sponsor or key worker.

     A sponsor is there to take you through the 12 steps and to listen to your daily inventory and help with the programme. Anymore and they probably are overstepping the mark really.

    A key worker will work with you with a care plan so you can reach achievable goals. This is best reviewed every four weeks. It is directive and you both work together and feed back is given, which can be challenged by the key worker. They will help you set goals so feed back is given regularly. Its best if you meet up once a week.


    Your relationship with you counsellor is different, I dont know what method of counselling you are having. There are many but it sounds like you may have a person centred counsellor who will be undirective.  This type of counselling allows the client to guide themselves through the episode rather than being led by the professional. This theory suggests that sessions should not be directive and the counsellor should be a source of understanding and encouragement rather than the problem solver. The Person-Centred approach allows clients to move at their own pace and to direct their own development. This means they are aware that the counsellor believes in their capability to manage problems, which encourages them to believe in their strengths, values and worth.

    An individual's self-concept is an important issue in this type of counselling; if someone has been brought up around negative experiences or interactions, it is likely that the person's self-concept will be damaged. With this method, it is not the counsellor's task to direct or diagnose the individual; their role is to listen, understand and accept in a non-judgemental manner, thus allowing the clients to help themselves. This is thought to be extremely beneficial in repairing a person's self-concept.

    The relationship created between the therapist and client is extremely important and the counsellor must adhere to specific healing characteristics in order for the outcome to be successful. The counsellor must empathise with the individual, offering honesty and no matter how the client acts, the same positive, kind feelings must be portrayed at all times. The experience offered concentrates on the here and now and the I am concepts, which overlook the individual's past and reassures them they are responsible for the way they feel and their actions. 

    Hope that is ok Kizzy Dale x 




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