Well I'm tyoing this in hopes that it releaves my stress by putting it out on the tabe and getting it off my chest.  I am sick of this one day at a time sh*t my life is a boring pile of worthlessness.  I don't have a job right now because I was let go from my last position.  Finding a job has proved to be more stressful than I imagined.  I am bored day in day out same sh*t on top of that sober and depressed.  I was happy one month ago riding my bike all the time full of energy happy and content.  I miss feeling that way.  Of course at the time I had a great girlfriend who now no longer wants anything to do with me yet alone does she ever even wanna talk to me as friends but I guess it was meant to be right?  F*ck I really think sometime that there is nothing left.  I have two beautiful daughters but I feel bad when they are around because I am like a unmotivated slug and I don't feel like doing anything.  Last night I wanted to go to the liquor store and just drink myself to death but I know that wouldn't happen cause I tryed that before I just get more emotional and pass out to feel like complete dog dirt the next morning.  I really never thought being alone and sober would be so miserable but I feel as though this is my punishment for all the wrong I have done in my life to myself and others.  There are so many positive things in live to be happy about but I laugh when I think about them cause in my mind frame I could give a f*ck.  I have so much going on in my life and none of it is good right now.  Yeah yeah life is what we make it and blah blah one day at a time.  Anyways sorry for the rant I don't feel any better and I'm going to bed.  The only thing I look forward to is going to sleep in hopes that I will have a good dream where I am happy and with loved ones and my life is good.  What joys will tomorrow bring Arggghh!!! Sorry again guys and gals I'm loosing my mind if it hasn't already been lost.

1 Comment
  1. atreyuas 14 years ago

     anyone who says that recovery is wonderful all the time has obviously never been through it.  some days all i can do is sit on my hands and pray.  and that’s the way it is.  i have been in your situation, and i know it sucks, but such is life.  as addicts we become masters at avoiding life and many of us have trouble  learning to deal with it.  but be strong.  this will pass, and one day when you hear someone else going through the same thing, you might be able to give them the support they need, and you’ll thank yourself for hanging in there.  

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