Last night I was crying because on the phone my boyfriend was barely talking to me and was barely hearing a thing I said. Then I realized that it's been quiet a while since he's called me beautiful or pretty or anything like that. He doesn't say I love you much anymore. I'm afraid he's gotten comfortable in the relationship. And I try to make it more interesting. I say I love you. I call him handsom.

Then I started to think about a number of other things. Like when he told me he never wanted to get married. While it was a long time ago it still affects me. He agreed that he would but I feel I forced him into it somehow. And it's always been my dream to get married but I feel so plain and average and uninteresting when I hear the man I love say he doesn't want to get married.

Also when he talks about not being able to see me a lot of the time he uses the word "kinda." For example on one he used yesterday. "I kinda wish I had gone over to your house. If I had known it wasn't going to be eventful over here." I just feel so pointless when he says things like that. A lot of the time I feel like just…disappearing. I feel like no one would really much notice my lack of prescence. I just feel like crying all the time and don't feel like doing much else.

And then he made a joke today. A tasteless joke but one that insulted me a lot. I asked him (since I missed school today) to tell me what the club meeting went over and he said "Sure, anything for a blowjob." I responded with no and he said "I meant you." I just about cried when he added the second part. The first part I could deal with but added the second made it seem like all I was to him was a sexual release. We've been together for two years. Have I done something wrong?


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