Hey Everybody,

So in an effort to discover other intelligent life on this site, i'm posting my 1st blog…. Just came out a catatonic depression state, which is basically what they've become for the last year… endogenous and all that crap to use psych dr lingo. which means no matter what the heck is actually going on in my mind or how i think i'm feeling, my body pretty much paralyzes me for about a week when MDD just decides it wants to have a little fun messing with me.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT, let me just say. I mean, I have 3 other disorders/disabilities/whatever and those make sense! Got (previously) untreated adhd cuz my ultra-conservative parents didnt BELIEVE in psychiatry mumbo jumbo & just spanked the hell outta me when I got outta line.

Got sleep disorders cuz i was a preemie and under-developed babies bodies can have messed up biological ish going on.

But what the heck is up with catatonic depression? I used to do the whole major depression immense unfathomable sadness thing. but now im finally moving past that, making peace, etc and this DEPRESSION MONKEY is still on my back. Like my body hasn't gotten the message that i really just wanna MOVE ON at this point…. or at least try to… but how the hell do i explain to employers, teachers, friends that "i'm sorry i missed x," i was lying in bed paralyzed all week???

Seriously, if you've got input i'd love to hear… Been researching and it seems like "body-based" depression tends to affect guys more (guess we supress the mind part or some ish), so if other depressed dudes can relate love to have ur input. Cuz ive moved past the cutting crying pseudo suicidal bit, and this depression thing still overwhelms and baffles me constantly.

Now go watch a funny you-tube video.

One-Love,

Dave

 **PS anyone know the name of that dark-skinned chick in the Timbaland/Katy Perry music video??  Cuz she is smoking HAWT! (she was in Dante's Cove on Logo, then they KILLED her off…)

2 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    Sound like you go through what I do.  The body is too heavy (a feeling) to move.  The interest is nonexistent and the effort to move was overwhelming. I used to tell the therapist that I spent my time watching the grass grow.  Of course I went to therapy and I am on meds.  I am much, much better,but it still works the same way.  When my life issues overwhelm, I get depressed and watch the grass grow. I personally don't see a way out without therapy and medication.

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  2. aloneandlonely 11 years ago

    I do have similar feelings alot of the time. When it is really bad, I can't raise my arms to type on the computer because they feel so heavy. I go into couch potatoe mode and it takes a HUGE amount of effort to do anything. Other times I have plenty of energy. I have even tried exercise but it really has not helped me much.  Pretty hard to have friends much less find a girlfriend that would deal with this shit so I am alone pretty much all the time, which spins me into a deeper depressive state. I have tried so many meds. also, I am so sick of that. I have even wondered how shock therapy would work for me. Just snap on the jumper cables and crank up the juice!

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