so where to begin this long over due blog of mine… First i should say sorry to all of my friends for not being on here as much as i should no excuse really just was working alot. 2 jobs kept myself and my mind busy seemed like the times i had off i spent it going out with my friends dont get wrong thats a good thing but i quit one of my jobs reason i wont say screw it i will there was a b**** there and i couldnt take her crap anymore so b4 i exploded in anger i left thats it lol anywho now i have so much time on my hands now that my mind starts to fill up with negative thoughts that depress me at times i havent had a panic attack which is good but im starting to feel no need to get out of bed at all on my days off no energy no nothing its sad cuz im not like this at all im feeling suffocated like i cant breath this empty feeling on my chest a burden of some kind that i dont know how to get rid of……. i dont know if ive felt this low in awhile well since my mom got really sick( shes better now) i mean i have alot of blessings in my life and youd think id b happy and i try to put up this fake smile in front of my family and even that is so tiring for me that i avoid them all together and its funny cuz no one noticed not my sister not anyone its a lil horrible that i always know when they need someone there for them and when i feel my heart screaming out for them to reach out there hand to me no ones there i try to look at the good things thats how i am but i really find it hard to do it now weird writing this helps a lil but it also makes me relize i dont really have much in my life to show for i just work alot i dont go to school i havent really moved ahead i feel stuck and i wonder if and when i can get out…..

     thanks for listen n – kate