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Disorder
My brain, a battlefield, my thoughts, a fight
A war between the voices in my head
The many personas I can’t control
Are constantly in battle for my soul
The constant struggle to keep the peace
The little pieces of me I must release
The different personas I have to be
Each has its own unique identity
The sadness, the anger, the fear and the guilt
Trying to keep all these emotions in a quilt
Sometimes I feel like I’m not in control
And my life is spinning out of control
I’m not sure who I am anymore
What is real or what is fantasy
My multiple personalities become a bore
So I try to keep them in harmony
I struggle to understand what I feel
I wonder if it’s real or just a dream
Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s real,
It’s a feeling I can’t explain, it’s hard to glean
My mind is a jumbled mess of confusion
My thoughts are full of different illusions
The truth of my identity is hard to define.
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Hey Finlee, Does it really make a difference if this is “real life” or a dream? Either way we are both here and we both have brains… So lets use them to have a conversation, okay? I have some time before I need to start getting the animals ready for a calm and safe night.
~♥~
What has been occupying your mind lately?
~♥~
My apartment is now completely dry! And I am trying to not feel anxious or tense when I realize I need to go shopping. Shouldn’t be too hard right? I can just avoid that particular aisle….?
~♥~
I wish really hard that one of you could be here with me! You are in a way, you all keep popping up in my thoughts and imagination.
~♥~
It is kind of fun to try to imagine you the way ~> you want to be seen <~ !! …Just as you have to imagine me. I hope you are gentle with me when you get to my clothes and body? You have probably already guessed that in my own dreams I EXIST only AS IRIS!
~♥~
So, how would you like to be seen in my mind? Tall or short, thick or thin, curves or no curves? In my present state I am a mostly androgynous (hey I spelled right!) beanpole. Nearly five feet tall with long hair (finally) and weighing almost, almost 100 pounds.
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Hey, they said "yes" to switching my ADHD script from Adderal to Vyvanse, finally!!!! So I will get some kind of appetite back. Adding some weight to this frame will be nice for several reasons. 1) My clothes will stop trying to slide off of me. 2) I won't be so cold in the winters ,and 3) hopefully I can attain some kind of flesh where a bikini would be! Maybe, maybe, maybe….
~♥~
If you can imagine my scrawny self trying to achieve some kind of cleavage, good luck! Even while trying to gain some hint of a chest by pushing that flesh together, nothing moves, nothing at all!! I do have some cleavage between my bum cheeks though. Butt (pun intended) that crease is a mandatory body part for expulsions. Plus it is hard for me to actually see.
♥
Yes, I realize that some of you might have some breast tissue that you don't want? Are you open to a trade of some kind? Don't know how this will work??? How about some platelets? Its the part of blood that causes cuts to clot and other stuff… I am a regular donor. (way past a gallon)!
~♥~
And, we both probably imagine me with girl parts not boy parts…. or an acceptable alternative would to simply be blank down there…. Just like Barbie, It will be a relief! I can't believe that I envy store clothing mannequins.. Typing has just become harder, Tony has decided to park himself between me and the keyboard, his head is resting on my left arm. So he has to deal with it constantly twitching as I stretch my hand as far as I can to avoid moving it too much!
~♥~
And there goes my mind… wandering off. Thanks for coming along with me 🙂
~♥~
Sending a hug, a smile, hope, peace and prayers – Iris
p.s. gosh this got long!! Feel free to share this okay?