I don't know who I am anymore, this last week it's like I got thru the motions with no emotions.  I babysit the kids and I'm like a robot doing what needs to be done and trying not to do more than I have to but there is no interaction there at all.  For that I feel guilty so very guilty but what can I do?  I can't seem to bring myself out of this funk I'm in.  I do know I'm always tired, I do too much, am in too much physical pain when I'm not on pain meds which by the way got stolen from me a couple of weeks ago so I've been without them which I know contributed to how I'm feeling now.

Last night I decided to listen to some music from back when I was young and it made me feel like I was  back there when things were good, I was depressed and doing SI but things were good I could sit in my room with my music and just drift away into a world of dreams like I did last night for a while.  My nightly prayer was the song "Dream Weaver" it explains everything so perfectly….

But what do I do now?  How do I bring myself out of this?  How do I get back into reality and be able to interact and accomplish some things?  I feel so hopeless, so withdrawn, so uncaring about things and people and so damn lonely.  I live with people and have them around me all the time but I still feel so damn lonely…..I miss my ex and all the things we used to do but I also hate him for the lies and deceit so I'm stuck in the middle of that but now not trusting anyone to be close to me…so what do I do??