I don't know who I am anymore, this last week it's like I got thru the motions with no emotions.  I babysit the kids and I'm like a robot doing what needs to be done and trying not to do more than I have to but there is no interaction there at all.  For that I feel guilty so very guilty but what can I do?  I can't seem to bring myself out of this funk I'm in.  I do know I'm always tired, I do too much, am in too much physical pain when I'm not on pain meds which by the way got stolen from me a couple of weeks ago so I've been without them which I know contributed to how I'm feeling now.

Last night I decided to listen to some music from back when I was young and it made me feel like I was  back there when things were good, I was depressed and doing SI but things were good I could sit in my room with my music and just drift away into a world of dreams like I did last night for a while.  My nightly prayer was the song "Dream Weaver" it explains everything so perfectly….

But what do I do now?  How do I bring myself out of this?  How do I get back into reality and be able to interact and accomplish some things?  I feel so hopeless, so withdrawn, so uncaring about things and people and so damn lonely.  I live with people and have them around me all the time but I still feel so damn lonely…..I miss my ex and all the things we used to do but I also hate him for the lies and deceit so I'm stuck in the middle of that but now not trusting anyone to be close to me…so what do I do??

1 Comment
  1. Veronica51 11 years ago

    God is with you so don't feel like your by yourself.  Boy do I know how you feel without the pain meds.  I do take a lot but the government has cut me back on them.  When I feel like you do,  I try to go back to the good old days like you did and it makes me feel good and I do think of some of my exboyfriends but then when I start to think of how they treated me I try to go back to the good things and try to let the bad go.  It is easier said then to do but I still try.  Most of the time I have the emotions but there are times I have none and I just lay around and watch TV.  My prayers go out to you and hope that you feel better soon and that you could get your pain meds soon.

    God be with you.

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