recently there have been big changes in my life and some improvements, of which i am still processing and not sure if i believe that they have happened and not quite ready to accept yet.  Once I am though, it will be posted here!  I dont feel so down or depressed and feel like I have more life and concentration now, but i realise that some of the problems like my anxiety is still controlling my actions.  To be clear, I have exams to prepare for, but I am sooo terrified still of the problems i am dealing with, I still can't quite get round to revision.  I feel like I am making good progress, but like I am coming out of sedation and everything is a bit blurry.  I wake up these days and I do feel a sense of purpose and have the presence of mind to actually get up and do stuff, not just wander around wondering what it was i wanted to do.  And although my concentration is improving its still a bit groggy and not quite right.  I still find my memory escaping me and forgetting important things till later.  But having said that, although i am getting up and doing things, i still cant get into my revision.  Perhaps i am expecting too much too soon, and I do feel a little frustrated, but i know I have to take it slowly.  my recovery and progress is a long and slow road and its taken a year to get to this position, I can't just expect everything to fall into place straight away now I feel quite close to the end of the darkest part.  It is like it is just out of reach and I know that this will never be over and my problems will still occasional pop their heads up, but I will prepare for that and then deal with it when they do.  I hope you are all well and will try and make more sense the next time i write!

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