Friday, January 04, 2008

NO MORE SOMEDAYS!!!!
Current mood: drained
Category: empty Romance and Relationships

I realized tonight that i have spent my entire life living a fairytale lie… waiting for some someday to come that in the end never comes

I am always waiting for some condition or objective to be met… and I have ALWAYS met them only to lose in the end

I realized tonight that no matter how much i love a person and nomatter how much they think they love me, in the end i am always the one left empty and alone and my heart cant and wont take it anymore

there is no room left in the tiny shards that are my decimated heart for things like hope, dreams, wishes and all that fairytale crap that just set me up for the next inevitable disappointment

hell there is barely any room left in them for love, let alone trust

if i made a pie chart of what comprises my heart it might look something like this:

 

1% – Hope

2% – Trust

3% – Dreams

4% – Love

15% – Pain from the abusive misuse of others

75% – Dead

SOMEDAY there wont be anything left at all because not long ago I told myself that someday you'll not be able to stand being continually and consistantly heartbroken, second place, someones last choice cuz they didnt have anything better to do or just felt pitious That someday has arrived. Love sucks, I dont trust it, i sure as fuck dont believe in it, nor can i afford to have hope in it or for it

now there is only one someday left to wait for… one that is inevitable and one in which i finally get to win and everyone else loses

i dont plan to wait much longer

 

Currently listening :
Ride the Lightning
By Metallica
Release date: 25 October, 1990

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